My Love Language is: CASH

I will be writing a post in my church's bulletin soon. Before I get started, I'd need to recharge with a few blog entries. I guess that's how I work. Before getting into a project, I need some form of a warm up. Or how for some, before drinking liquor, beer is consumed as a chaser.

So this simple blog entry is a finger/brain exercise before I type something about youth ministry in church.

One thought came to mind. What's my love language? We did a session at church last weekend with Pastor Clement Chong. He talked about our love languages and how it is important in communication. Based on the book by Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages, Words, Time, Touch, Gifts and Acts of Service are ways people communicate love. It's also a way people respond to love.

My love Language is CASH.

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Failure

It's been a tiring weekend. And many things are disappointing. But my encouragement is in knowing that God gives us dreams for His purposes.

Despite the murky waters of strife and jigsaw pieces that hardly match, He puts all things in place at the right time.

We remain faithful and grateful. And he remains faithful.

Failure is the opposite of obedience.

Council of Wisemen

I'm about to work on Albert's book shortly. It's late, however.

I've been reading the biography of a friend's father. A man who came to Malaysia with only one rupee in the pre-war era, and eventually participated in the creation of the Malaysia we have today. Not the weaknesses of what we are exposed to, but the strengths that lies in the veins of our ethnic unity. The biography speaks more about the man himself instead of his accomplishments. In some stories, it is the accomplishments that make the man. In this book, it is who the man is that makes the accomplishments real and meaningful. Integrity characterises him. And I'm on the last few chapters that zooms into his personality as a husband, father and Christian.

The Christianity I'm participating in today is devoid of such role models. Yes there are a good number of people I can think of who have modeled integrity for me. But they are an extinct species today. In my mind, I have something called 'the council of wise men'. A few years ago I decided that a certain number of people in my life are considered wise. These men (mainly men), are people I know who have won my deepest respect and trust, and without a second thought, I would listen to their advice. Their lives speak more than them and they know what they are doing. All of them, walk with Christ.

Over the years, I've also decided what unwise advice sounds like. At this point, by God's grace, I would know who to listen to and who not to. I shudder for sounding arrogant here, but the truth is, I do politely smile and shut off to words of no wisdom. The plumbline for wisdom is in the understanding of God's Word. Non-Christian friends, if at this point you are confused by the unfamiliar jargon, do email or comment on my blog for clarification.

In the last few years, I've had several exciting challenges to my understanding of the key elements in life - relationships, material gains, finance, direction and death. Very sadly, we end up living in a regurgitated idea of what life is supposed to be like. No one takes life apart to question why we do what we do. An in some instances, when we start to analyse what we really believe and do, there is a disconnect. We believe in the bible, but we live outside its covers.

Some of my challenges have been this:

1. Am I living for God and others, or myself? Can I sell off my property (that I don't have) or give up on my interests for the sake of pursuing God's righteousness and others' salvation? (This will give an almost clear cut answer to how i deal with pirated DVDs, etc.)

2. Is my salary and material wealth meant for my enjoyment, and solely for my enjoyment? Because if yes, it makes a whole lot of sense to work harder so that I can enjoy 'God's blessings' more. If yes, then why the hell do I believe in Jesus who really had nothing, and despite that, gave up all? Somehow, I suspect, we have a lopsided view towards material blessings.

3. I struggled with direction. Living nomadically in the last 20 years (my family have moved at least 5 times), direction is something always on my mind. When I began my carrier in Christian ministry, I had a clear sense of calling. However, some other Christians, didn't. Some communicated (body-language wise) that I was naive about Christian ministry. Some didn't seem to excited that I was doing what God called me to do. And when I went into business, some were concerned that I would not know how to move. There's a Chinese proverb, I faintly recall, "Man who says it cannot be done should not disturb the man who is busy doing it". Now I can say with conviction that when God calls - whether into fulltime Christian ministry or to work in a mamak as a waiter or be a lorry driver, just do it.

4. Having made so many mistakes already, I can say that I know what I'm doing now. And if I don't may it be for God's glory that I do not know. And may each step I take, be a step that reveals his ultimate plan.

***
At this point, I will stop. I need to work on Albert's life story. I just detoured to get these thoughts out of the way.

Turning Thirty

Three more days to go, and I will hop into a totally new decade. For starters, the first digit on my age will turn three while the second digit in my age will reveal my achievements in life.

I'm turning 30.

For the last five years, I've been psyching myself to meet the reality of turning thirty. In a study/accountability group I was in in 2004/5, I became convicted that the 30 would be a defining age for me. It is at this age (and age bracket) that my idiosyncrasies and identity will be locked in for the rest of my adulthood. How I think, my habits and how I would respond to situations at this phase will be a template to how I would do things in the years to come. Of course, I'm being utterly simplistic here. I will undoubtedly be shaped by the circumstances that will come my way. For now, I am like an approved design mock-up of the final book project. Yeah, that's what this age is all about. An approved mock-up for the final project.

There is a spiritual twist to turning thirty. It is at this age, the bible records, that Jesus launched into his public ministry. The bible is mum about his early youth days (besides the one episode where he went missing and was found teaching in the temple in Jerusalem at age 12). His preteen years, adolescence and early twenties were hardly mentioned at all. As a youth worker, I would've appreciated some youthful insights from Jesus' early life.

If he had understood all our temptations, did he encounter each of them? Was Jesus tempted to lie? Did he have a crush on anyone? Did he masturbate? Did his mom and dad nag him to death? What was sibling rivalry like for Jesus? Has he ever had a bad carpentering job done? How about telling off a client (for being a demanding idiot)?

While I do not know how things were for the young man Jesus, I know that 30-year-old Jesus is someone I want to identify with. His thoughts and wisdom gives me a sense of meaning and comfort. There is a difference in putting your hope in someone who does right, and someone who knows what he is doing. I've encountered many good Christian people who just don't know what they are doing. Jesus does both.

The questions he asked revealed the depths of his thinking. He invented thinking out of the box. When the pharisees pronounced judgement (stoning to death) after producing evidence for an adultery case (a scantily clad woman, caught in the act), Jesus turned the tables around by making them realise that they are no different and equally condemned. He did it by simply saying, "He who has no sin cast the first stone". The pharisees left. Sin permeates every human. We're all equally guilty.

While adultery was believed to be a tangible thing (with physical evidence), Jesus dropped the bar a little lower and said that whoever lusts after a woman in his heart commits adultery. Jesus saw beyond the tangible.

A question was asked to my youth a couple of weeks ago, "Where do you think Jesus would spend most of his time if he was here today?". As predicted, he answered "church". I on the other hand, believe that Jesus would hardly be at church. It's just too holy, man. Everyone smiles at each other, the air is polite, men you hardly know are now called 'brothers'. Ladies who are old enough to be your grandmother, are uncomfortably termed "sister". It's weird. Perhaps, unreal.

If Jesus was around today, he'd be in IKEA.

He'd probably be a really good furniture designer, coming up with really really fantastic looking futons and practical office tables. He'd probably arrive at work on time. Time-wasters like writing blogposts and gmail chats during office hours would only be done during the lunch break (maybe hardly, because everyone would want to have lunch with him). And when work is finished, he would probably stick around a little longer, to chill out with some of his work mates.
Ok fine, this is Jesus the bachelor who probably is living alone. If he had a mom like me, Jesus would probably get home to take her out to the pasar malam (ok, great, I think I'm projecting me onto Jesus here, Sorry Lord).

Basically, Jesus would be a real person, who desires to intersect with other people's lives so that they can experience the joy and meaning of being one with God. "No one comes to the Father, except through me".

There's no way that anyone will know about God, unless he goes to them. There's now way anyone will know about Jesus, unless I go to them.

That I believe is my task. Now that I'm like Jesus, in a very realistic way, how would my life in Malaysia today reflect his? Will I be accurately aligned to him or will my spiritual live be defined by other things like church attendance and how much I smile.

At thirty, the one thing I want to pursue is a life close to him.

My Belly Dancing

I'm not a belly-dancer. But that hasn't coaxed my belly into not dancing. Each gentle move I make (like walking down the church aisle like a gentle bride) will send my belly into a chaos of Mexican waves from top to bottom, left to right.

Ok so I was exaggerating.

But 'lately', I've been battling the extra blessings around my waist, arms and chest. The six pack I once almost met has now drowned deeper beneath the layers of abdominal fat. Each new day, I'm fatter than I've ever been before. My yearly resolutions of trimming down has now become a 10-year plan (I recall making the same resolution several years back).

Fine. So now my metabolism has slowed down. And the fact that I earn a living sitting in front of my computer almost all my waking life doesn't help. So I have to find some healthy routine (or make one up). Thankfully, I live near enough to my office to walk there. So when I'm ready to make that final decision to walk, I'm just going to do it and see some results.

I've cut down on heavy meals. But the after-10pm supper culture in Malaysia isn't going to help. And supper is usually the best time to catch up with most friends. Aha! I'm going to go for more Lime Juice instead. I think it breaks fat down. So no more teh tariks and roti canai!

And, my prayer partner and I are going to embark on several crazy sporting ideas. That way, I can exercise and have fun.

<>output = healthy and smaller me.

I am to be half the man I am today!

Writing Pictures

Having lost my digital camera over a year ago, I've not been photo-blogging enough. There's a lot to see and write about. But what I find very interesting is how some writers can write in pictures. What I mean is, they are able to write in such a way that the reader sees in detail everything the writer conveys. The stories can be so captivating to the point that the reader forgets that he or she is actually reading, words.

I like writers who do that well. Maybe that is why I don't read so much.

Last night, I spent the whole night on my bed reading a book written by a boy who has Asperger's Syndrome. In very laymen terms, he is autistic. (Labeling him as autistic does not do him nor the syndrome any justice, because autism is a very very broad spectrum). Daniel, wrote about how he coped with autism at since young till now. He will be thirty this year, and though I bought the book months ago, it was only last night that I discovered the lake of gems in the 200 page book.

The book, "Born on a Blue Day", is a catchy pun that describes how he saw things. He was born on Wednesday. Wednesdays are blue to him, hence the title. For Daniel, numbers and words evoked different moods and expressions. During the tensing moments of his life, he would count to calm himself down. Hardly having social skills to make friends, numbers were his friends. Every number had a character. Daniel liked prime numbers and palindromes made him feel comfortable.

Seeing things differently had its advantages and disadvantages. Instead of capturing the big picture, Daniel could only see details. It's like only seeing the individual dots in a picture after connecting the dots. Reading in between the lines was something he couldn't do. Hence he was frequently misunderstood and misunderstood frequently.

Mathematics and languages came very naturally to him. He could square numbers in the very same speed I would count to ten. His photographic memory enabled him to recall phrases in foreign language books with ease. About hundred pages after his childhood, he wrote about how he volunteered in poverty-stricken Lithuania as an English tutor. Being English and unable to communicate with the locals, he picked up Lithuanian and spoke it so well that the locals thought he was local too. He also spoke German, French and is currently working on Welsh.

The book took an unexpected turn when he shared about his homosexuality. One of his nervous episodes was mustering the courage to inform his parents about it. They surprised him with their approval and accepted him without qualms.

Honestly I cringed at parts of the the chapter that described how he and his partner kissed. Though I'm not homophobic, it's a little tough for me to picture homosexual intimacy.

Shortly after a developing relationship, Daniel moved in with him. Neil and Daniel worked from home and eventually gave birth to a language website that earned them an income. Daniel wrote the material and Neil did the techy stuff to make it work.

At this point in the night, I smiled thinking of how someone with autism was able to go so far in life and do things that are extraordinary. I have about 80 pages to go. Tonight will be the night I would complete the book.

Almost after every chapter, I pause to think of my two 'kids' who have autism. And I wonder how things would be for them when they grow older. Would they have the same determination as Daniel, or have the same support he had. Could they earn themselves an income and not get exploited by the world. Would they have misinterpreted feelings towards others or have friends who can genuinely care for them... I don't quite know. But at least I know what Daniel went through and I can anticipate the challenges that will encroach. While they are growing up, I can play my part to help them do well.

Maybe one of the things I need to do this year is practise writing.